Boiler Room:

SETH: How you doing?

DAD: I'm fine, Seth. What's on your mind?

SETH: I just feel bad about the way things went at the house last week. I feel like we just don't get anywhere talking at home.

DAD: I'm not sure what there is to talk about. You're a habitual liar. You've dropped out of school, you're running an illegal casino out of your apartment. You're putting my career at risk. What do you want to talk about?

SETH: Why can't we just discuss this? Maybe you're not seeing my side.

DAD: Your side? You're doing wrong. I'm not your best friend, here to nod my head and sympathize. That's my your mother's racket. I'm your father. I let you know when you screw up. Did you think I was going to pat you on the back for this casino idea? Tell you what an entrepreneur you are?

SETH: No.

DAD: So, what do you want from me? Meeting me in a coffee shop is not going to change the life you have. God, if I ever asked my father to meet me for a cup of coffee to talk about my screw-up he probably he probably would have laughed. We didn't have nice little chats about why I was a bad boy. Whether I was just calling out for attention or not. I got smacked and then I didn't do it again. Much simpler.

Don't worry everyone I'm still alive...

Been wrapped up in a lot of projects that I've been working on lately...hope everything pans out we'll see at the end of december.  But if it doesn't it was a trip worth taking. 

For all the people that I haven't talked to in a while, you're still in my thoughts.  Miss all of you and some day I will find a way to make reparations on my lack of "being there".  I wish I could be a part of a group that I've grown apart from, but I think i'm too far removed to grasp what new relationships and idiosyncrasies have developed.  However, one thing that you can always count on is that you'll always have a friend here for you.  I'm just a text or call away.  I know it goes both ways, but I've got a lot to make up for.

I never realized til dinner today how incredibly significant my life has changed in the last year.  And looking back, the year before that.  I no longer go out.  I no longer drink more than one beer on any given week.  I no longer communicate with friends.  I no longer feel emotions.  I have fallen into the automation of life.  As such I have become the product of corporate america essentially a machine built to analyze problems, create solutions and produce endless amounts of work, with the efficiency to substantiate an income.  And now the places where I find any feeling comes from the pages of my textbook.  I have found and incredible passion for learning and understanding.

So yes my life is different.  And yes I've changed.  but I think i like it..and I can live with that.

Two roads Diverged in the woods, and I...

I took the road less traveled by,

and that has made all the difference. -Robert Frost

Fuck that, tell me which road do I take?  None of the roads I follow seem to go in the direction that I want to be facing.  I know the journey is long.  And like the lines on my hands they may end...in which I'll have to start all over from the beginning, but it seems like there's no end.

I probably stand before the biggest uncertainty I have ever felt.  It's like a huge wall blocking where I'm supposed to go.  Is it feasible that all my strength, determination, and hard work will get me over this one?  I think not.  however, Michael Jordan once said, "I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying."

So with my back and shoulder free from the burden of externalities, I battle two things- those doubts that come from within, and the wall.